A year ago today...

Today marks the year anniversary of the beginning of this new journey we have found ourselves on. Last year I scheduled my big 4-D ultrasound on the 25th of August. They gave me a few dates, but the 25th happens to be the birth-date of one of the most important men in my life, my grandpa. I thought it would be fun to celebrate this day with the funnest part of being pregnant, the 4-D ultrasound where we get to see our sweet baby in such detail. I invited my parents to come along with Jeff, Mr. C and I. As the tech began looking at my belly she told us that we were for sure getting a baby girl. We were so excited! She looked at her face for a bit and then her heart. I remember knowing something was wrong with her heart because of the time she spent looking at it. I didn't dare ask because of the response I knew she would give. She asked if my parents needed to take Mr.C out while we talked, but I wanted them there. That day we received the news that the baby I was carrying had a broken heart. I didn't quite understand what that meant that day, but a year later I would have never guessed I would understand the heart the way I do today. I didn't know that day that my nights of sleeping were over. There have been few nights from that day that I have slept. Over the next few months I spent my nights awake researching and trying to understand. I spent my nights crying so that my son and husband didn't have to see me upset. Since she has been born I spend my nights checking to see that she is still breathing. How I miss sleep! A year ago today I was told by a callused doctor that it is just a fluke and that there isn't a reason that her heart didn't form right. I'm not one that believes EVERYTHING happens for a reason, but Gracelyn being sick did. One day I hope to know what that reason is. A year ago today I would have never imagined that this "sick" baby would have had the life that she has had this far, both good and bad. I thought our life was over. However, we have done everything we would have done with a healthy baby. We have hiked, we have swam, we have camped and rode four-wheelers...we've just carried a tank and some tubes along with us. A year ago today I would have never imagined the support and love that we would receive from family and friends. It has been overwhelming at times. A year ago today I would have never though that I could ever be okay with a large scar down my babies chest. Today that scar represents the journey that our family is on. It represents what Gracelyn has gone through and the strength, courage and fight that is in her tiny little body. A year ago today I began to better understand the masters plan and what it is to have an eternal family. A year ago today I didn't believe in miracles and prayer quite the way I do today. Today marks the day that we can now stand back with some distance, one year, and see just what we have learned and how we have grown.