Old habits die hard...

I had a great night sleep last night. 9 hours STRAIGHT! I suppose that is to be expected after giving birth. I woke up feeling amazing. I told the nurses I was ready to be released. However, tonight was back to normal. Since my baby was diagnosed with a CHD in August I have spent a lot of time alone at night. I needed time to cry and grieve and didn't want to do this in front of Jeff or Mr. C. I spent a lot of time during the night trying to educate my self about her heart and it's defect and learning what it would be like to be a heart mom with a heart baby. Tonight I woke up at 3:00am and began to stress about life again and how this has all finally become a reality and couldn't sleep. Old habits die hard I guess. I decided to walk over to see my baby girl. Jeff was gone. I had already gotten up to pump and he usually is right by my side when I am done, washing the bottles and taking the milk to the nurses, but tonight he didn't move. He needed the sleep. I knew I was safe to leave without waking him up, but left a note just in case and also told the nurse where I was if he woke up. I was a little nervous to go alone, but made the ten minute walk just fine. As I sat by my baby's side I found myself thanking Heavenly Father for the problems that she has instead of pleading with him to fix them. It surprised me as I realized what I was doing. In that room we are surround by tiny babies, 2 and 3 pounds. Some that have no chance at any life. Some that are only a couple pounds with their bodies already covered in incisions. The little guy next to us, Austin, has tubes coming out from everywhere. As you listen to the nurses and doctors you can hear that nothing about him works properly. There next to him lies my perfect beautiful baby with only a broken heart. A broken heart that can eventually be fixed. I am so grateful that we have been only been given what we have. We have a beautiful baby girl that will be home with us before we know. We don't know now whether these trials be for her good or ours, but feel grateful that they are all that we have been given. We both pray that we may learn what we are supposed to and do as Heavenly Father wants us to. We both know that whatever happens is for our good and that now that she has come to this earth and received her body that whether is be now or in the next life we WILL get to raise this beautiful baby. We are so happy to have her in our lives!